Thought for the day:
Remain responsible for making the future promising and making promises for the future
I started La Bella Pazza to create a diary of my journey towards overall health and I hope you will follow me down this rabbit hole. First a bit about me: I have been unhealthy in mind and body for a long time. I have worked very hard to tackle the parts that are obvious to me but let’s face it – we all put on blinders when it comes taking care of ourselves – especially when we are mothers.
My BIG decision came after four years of research and soul searching and slowly dying: Roux en Y Gastric Bypass. The surgery took place on June 9, 2009. At my heaviest I weighed in at 271 and I was insulin dependent due to uncontrolled diabetes. Three days after the surgery I was removed from insulin and have stayed off of medication for diabetes for the last 14 months. My weight dropped quickly at first and then leveled off after a loss of 75 lbs at 6 months post surgery. I dropped another 20 lbs steadily over the next 6 months. I lost 95 lbs, which I’ll be honest – I rounded it up to 100 lbs whenever someone asked how much weight I had lost.
I maintained my weight loss through December 2009; I bought size 10 skinny jeans that I would have worn every day if that wasn’t gross. I was now at the point where if I wanted to lose any more weight – and I did- I would have to do it the old fashioned way – exercise and diet – great, I’d done so well with that before. I had been working out but not paying attention to the food really because I couldn’t eat that much – until I could. Slowly the amount of food that I could take increased – so slowly that I didn’t notice. The scale would go up a few lbs and down a few but it stayed in a range I found comfortable. Then I had spinal surgery in February 2010. I recovered well from the surgery itself but was in bed for a long time. I wasn’t able to list anything heavier than a gallon of milk and since I rarely drink milk (yuk), I rarely bothered to do that.
Unfortunately, the surgery did not eliminate my pain which was slowly progressing through the entire right side of my body. The doctor was baffled and asked me to wait as my recovery continued – he was hopeful the pain would disappear – they didn’t, they got worse. After my second follow-up the doctor ordered a spinal tap and an EMG – neither showed anything – but both caused unbelievable pain in the form of a spinal migraine (look it up, it is known as the worst headache known to man). I suffered with the headache for 4 days, went back to the hospital and had a blood patch (look that up – medieval torture!), then I couldn’t walk for 3 days.
Needless to say, I spent even more time in bed. My body was in shock – I swear I now suffer from PTSD (well actually, I have been diagnosed with PTSD but these experiences have made it more prominent). I now see my Primary Physician, Orthopedic doc, Neurologist, Hand Therapy Specialist, Physical Therapist and of course my Psychiatrist and Life Coach. I am depressed on a very low level – it’s there and can be seen in my eating habits (comfort carbs anyone?) and my sleeping habits (2pm – nap time!). I knew I need to take control – to remember that I have the power to change this – but I also needed help.
I recruited my husband for a life style change including eating properly, working out, and moving out from in front of the television and reconnecting with ourselves as well as each other. First, I found a gym with a swimming pool (I love the water!!) and signed us both up. Next, I made excuses about the food in the house – oh, we just bought that $40 worth of lunch meat and who knows how much on those several bags of assorted chips – so we would have to eat them and then start anew. Oh, please – did I really think that was going to work? I steadily grazed all day (I work from home) and though I started working out – a little- I gained a couple of lbs. I complained, acted as if I had no idea what was happening – I AM going to the gym after all. Then I realized that I had gained 20 lbs…20 lbs?!? It happened quickly and it caused me to so close to that BIG, SCARY 200 that I freaked and threw out most of the food in the house.
So, here I am on the real and hopefully permanent journey towards overall health. I now keep track of EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth and how many calories that totals – even my vitamins have calories – EVERYTHING is counted. Now let me tell you about grazing – that easy to ignore, snack all day, imaginary version of portion control – I eat more calories than I need – about 1800 when I’m working out regularly – on my first day of counting it was a horrifying number – not quite twice what I should have eaten but close. I wanted to erase the spaghetti I’d had for dinner – after all, if I didn’t put it down it wasn’t really real – was it? I kept it on the list and watched as the site calculated my fat, carb and protein grams – my carbs are supposed to be low due to the diabetes – 56% of my calories is not a good number. My fat percentage was okay but protein was really low. The next day was better but still carb heavy – apparently I don’t like much protein. I did start to realize that I didn’t eat enough during the early part of the day and would then freak out on food at night – sometimes all night – even when the dogs would wake me up around 2am, I’d let them outside and in my stupor I’d eat something, anything that was handy – scary. Now when I go downstairs in the middle of the night I talk myself out of heading for the backdoor and then the fridge – it’s only been two nights but so far so good.
There you have it, 1000 plus words to tell you why I’m here. I am recruiting YOU to keep me honest and on the way I hope that this blog/journal/diary will help you take a closer look at your habits – if you want to. Let me know what you think, let me know about your struggles, just say hi.
In Hope & Health,
Deb aka Bipolar Chick – La Bella Pazza
